A True Comedy of Errors....

I put wrenching into at least three categories. I'm sure there are more, but the ones that come to mind are (1) plumbing, like radiators and such (2) precision stuff, like valve adjustments, and (3) knuckle busters, like struts and other suspension issues. I knew it would be a knuckle buster going into it today. Start with a hammer and then get a bigger hammer.

The first strut installed was really pretty easy. The only tricky part was the brake hanger. I tried chiseling it off there, but that didn't work so well. Trying to break the metal off the side of the strut with the chisel seems like it would work, but that was unsuccessful. I found that starting a cut with the hack saw and then using the chisel as a cutting tool was the best method. That chisel cuts through the metal quite well. And the nice thing is that it left a downward pointed barb toward the end of the cut. That barb then went down into the eyelet on the new strut (the eyelet meant for the brake line). Once the strut was installed, I just set the old part on top of the new, the barb held it in place, and then followed with a hose clamp. The hose clamp was Joe's idea and it worked like a charm. Very solid mount. Great solution.

One fun trick I learned / used was that the bolts on the top of the strut, since they didn't line up just perfect with the holes in the strut housing of the car, had to be coaxed into place. I could see the bolts sort of start into the holes, but they wouldn't go. It was just slightly too tight of a fit. So, I attached the bottom of the strut and lowered the car down onto the tire and the force popped the top of the strut up through the holes. POP! All done. Then just put the nuts onto the posts.

The first side took me about two hours. Pretty good I thought. The way these things go, I was kind of thinking I would burn through the second in maybe half the time. "Sit back, relax, enjoy this, Douglas," I thought to myself, "You've got this job under hand."
Well, wouldn't you know it. I sort of suspected maybe I got lucky on the first side. I didn't use a torch or anything and I was able to break those two big bottom bolts free. Just a pipe on the end of a regular 3/8 inch drive ratchet did the trick. But, on the second side, I actually broke the ratchet. It just jammed up. I guess the internals get jammed and it's dead after that. I tried a second ratchet and actually broke the nub off the thing where the socket attaches. Okay....so this isn't going well. I read in some forums and I was told by some people that I might need to use a torch on those big bolts to get them loose. Oh well, to be expected. I don't have a torch, so I ran to Walmart on the ZRX. Bought a new ratchet and a torch and some of the spray lube for loosening rusty parts. In this next pic, you can see one of the two big bolts to which I am referring. Actually, this is a pic of the side I was having trouble with.

Torch, torch, torch. Push, push, push. Bolt isn't budging. Spray some of the stuff on. Bang with hammer. Torch, torch, torch. POW! There's goes my third ratchet. Broken. That's okay......that wasn't the new one I bought. We're still good. One more left. No biggy. I AM LITERALLY RATIONING RATCHETS AT THIS POINT BECAUSE I AM BREAKING THEM SO PREDICTABLY. Torch, torch, torch. Hammer, hammer, hammer. Time for my ace in the hole.....my new ratchet. I bent a pipe I was using as a breaker bar, so I scavenged a HUGE pipe off my front work stand. New ratchet, enormous breaker bar. POP!!!! Fourth broken ratchet. Fuck!
Hey wait a minute..... I turned the car around to do this side. I was pushing on the other side, that means I should be.........pulling on this side. Jesus H Christ, I have been tightening this whole time. It took me FOUR ratchets to realize....oh yeah, righty tighty, lefty loosey. Below is a pic of the four broken ratchets....casualties of an idiot mind....

So I'm out of ratchets and down to my box wrenches at this point. I torch and low and behold....with a LOT of whacking with the hammer on the open end of the box wrench I was able to get the top bolt free. Luckily, I hadn't had much access to the bottom bolt, so I didn't get a chance to tighten it beyond belief like i had the top one. Also, another little bit of silver lining here is that at least I broke the ratchets instead of breaking a bolt or rounding the bolt off. No parts on the car itself were actually damaged in this tsunami of stupidity. THAT I consider to be QUITE A BLESSING and is what allowed me to retain my sense of humor about the whole ordeal.
Okay. So, we're cooking now. I use my top strut mount bolts trick and that works like a charm. I attach the brake line, sway bar, the two big bolts. And then back on with the wheel. I give the lug nuts one last good tug and the whole assembly drops like something broke. OH SHIT! This can't be good.
Of course it didn't take me long to realize I had not actually bolted the strut in at the top. I had gotten the posts through the holes and then moved on to the bottom because that's the order the book suggests. Only I never went back and actually screwed the top in.
So back off with the wheel. Only now I can't find the nut and the bolt that secure the top of the strut. They are NO WHERE to be found. In fact, I can't even remember taking the new ones out of the top of the strut. That's when I hear the faint laughter. I inspect the strut housing and discover that I left them IN the new strut. I cannot believe this! I immediately worry that I am going to have to COMPLETELY remove the new strut ENTIRELY. Luckily.....by the grace of JEBUS almighty, I was able to just pull down on the whole assembly and remove the two nuts and the one bolt. It was a tight fight, but I was able to jam my arm and hands up there to retrieve them. And low.....the offending bolts....

And believe it or not, I was able to actually tighten the top of the strut down this time. Impressive...

Now, aside from breaking FOUR ratchets because I didn't remember righty tighty lefty loosey, and aside from completely failing to bolt in the top of one of the struts, and aside from leaving vital hardware attached to the new strut and then having to retrieve said hardware like I was birthing a breached baby calf.....I would say today was a huge success. The job took me about 6 hours and a few busted knuckles, but I saved myself a good five or six hundred bucks. The pair of struts only cost me $190 SHIPPED off Ebay and I had the job priced out at two shops between seven and eight hundred dollars. Well worth it in my opinion.
Took the car out for a test drive tonight and the ride is much improved and way quieter. The front struts don't look bad, but they've got 165k miles on them as well. So, I'll probably be doing those soon enough. Thanks to Joe for his idea on how to attach the brake line without opening the line.